I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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