I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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