you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
