You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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