Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
