the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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