WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
