Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So vagazzling was a success
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
