She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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