I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
