A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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