it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize