I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
