You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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