i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
