My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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