He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
