Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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