Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize