don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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