matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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