Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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