At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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