U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
