This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
