the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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