He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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