its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
