Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
