I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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