Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
