remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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