yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
