you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
