How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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