I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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