My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
