Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
