Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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