i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
