how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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