remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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