The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
