So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
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he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
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Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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