Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
