Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
