my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I should be sponsored by Trojan
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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