He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
These tits shall not be calmed
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
