All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
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It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
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who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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