Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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