It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
