You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
