I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
