I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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