Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
