For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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