yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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