where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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