we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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