Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
