i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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