Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
