you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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