There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
